Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
