i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
