so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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