I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you inspire me to be a worse person
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
