I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
