I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
