too bad you live with your parents still
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
