you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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