omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We don't watch enough power rangers
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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