You're a womanizer and a bitch.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
