Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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