I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
