Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize