Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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