I have demons in me.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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