well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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