3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
