we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
