This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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