Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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