So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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