how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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