stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
