I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
