I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
i think my cat just said my name.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
