I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
please come you make the beer taste better
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
No I am not eating basil off your cock
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
