This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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