So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
honey bunches of taint.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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