if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
