I want to stick my p in your. b.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
