Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize