woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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