Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
