I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
