Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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