there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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