Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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