Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Randomize
