You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
