it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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