He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
