i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize