and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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