My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
