She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
