The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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