Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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