HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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