Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
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