I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How drunk are you?
Completed.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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