I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Operation Purity has been aborted
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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