The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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