Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
