apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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