He uses pillows to masturbate.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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