No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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