Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize