so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
if only i could text you this smell
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Randomize
