I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
