the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
