i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
