Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
