Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
