There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I need to align my fucking chakras
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
