I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
