I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
