Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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