He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
