I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
