dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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