why didn't you poke me back
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
