Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
