I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
