what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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