i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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