matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
