You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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