Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
