I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
