We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
