We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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