He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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