a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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