She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
