just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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