woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
