I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
