Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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