Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
