They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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