There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
