I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
