She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
