How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
