According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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