And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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