I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
